“The thing you know you shouldn’t do but always do…”

We all have habits/reactions that we know that are not helpful.

What’s yours?

One of my mentors and friend @Craig McKenzie describes coaching as helping clients with “the thing they know they shouldn’t do…”.

Being human, we all do this whether it’s trying to be what we think others expect us to be or cutting people off mid flow. Reacting in these ways can often lead to fallouts in relationships thus limiting career opportunities as well as challenging situations at home.

Wouldn’t you like to be able to respond skilfully in such situations instead of reacting?

Coaching can help.

A skilful coach will help you:

· Identify the circumstances when you are triggered e.g. people and/or situations

· Become familiar with the signals that arise just before you automatically react such increase in heart rate

· Explore ways of putting in a “circuit breaker” i.e. create a bit of time for you to choose your response as opposed to react

· Reflect and practice your chosen response so that you remember your desired response so that you’re less likely to react like you usually do

I worked with a client who used to immediately answer sarcastically with an angry facial expression when he felt that his boss’ requests were unreasonable. It made their working relationship difficult, impacted the rest of the team and would likely have a longer term impact on his career opportunities if not resolved.

Through our coaching, my client identified what he really wanted was to stay calm when he felt his manager was being unreasonable. We explored what happens just before he reacts sarcastically. He realised that he would get very hot at the back of his neck just before he answered back.

Bringing awareness to these factors allowed my client to pre-empt his natural reaction. We explored alternative responses and he chose to take a few breaths when he noticed his neck was getting hot to stop himself reacting. He would then choose a later time when he was calmer to discuss the various requests with his manager. This took my client several weeks of practice, reflection, “forgetting” and trying again before it became more natural for him to stay calm and not react when his manager seemed unreasonable.

“The thing you know you shouldn’t do but always do…”

What’s yours?

Interested in overcoming your “thing”? Get in touch.

#coaching #coachingworks #change

Photo by Brian Lundquist on Unsplash